Marriage & Millennials
You can find Anthony D’Ambrosio’s article by clicking on the link below and then read my thoughts about his reasons.
My first impression of this blog was to agree somewhat with the writer in that yes all his points are valid points and could be reasons millennials struggle with not only marriage but also life itself. However, pondering his points has led me to some simple questions:
• If you know it isn’t working why don’t you do the things you know you should be doing.
• Why do you assume that marriage was easier 20, 50, 100 years ago?
• Is the commitment of today’s millennials less than those from the so-called good-ole-days?
Ironically, a day or two after reading this blog, which I found on Facebook, I walked into a local convenience store to hear people talking about the article and just accepting that it was “technologies” fault that marriages today don’t work. I had to laugh and think to myself, “What the heck happened to people taking responsibility for their own actions?”
This rhetoric inspired me to respond with my own thoughts on the matter so allow me to shift perspectives with questions regarding the author’s five reasons that marriage does not work for millennials.
Point # 1 – Sex is almost non-existent
You attribute the disappearance of sex in your marriage to having a lack of interest, becoming monotonous, used for the procreation of another human, and photos of half-naked people everywhere. My question to you is why not take charge of your visual environment so that photos of half-naked people are not everywhere. What can YOU do to rekindle your interest? What kind of conversation needs to occur between you and your spouse? Are you both on the same page about children? I believe you have some control over these things.
Point # 2 – Finances cripple us
Yes, times are hard, but times have always been hard for those that do not have wealth just handed to them. Looking back to my early 20’s I didn’t have a big beautiful home, money to spend on extravagant vacations or even money to dine out on a regular basis. If you have everything now, there is nothing left to work for. Live within your means, budget and accept that some folks may have more money than you do and some folks may have less. Educations are available for less than $200,000 and houses can be purchased for less than $300,000 IF you are motivated to live within your means!
Point # 3 – We’re more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time.
Again a valid point, social media has changed our lives tremendously and much of it is not so great. Yes, I love that we can reconnect with friends from the past or those that live miles away. It’s great to share family photos and funny stories however, there is only an assumed etiquette, and everyone’s etiquette is not the same. But I have to go back to the same old song and dance we are in charge of how much social media we allow to infiltrate our lives. If it is damaging your relationship then what are you going to do about it. Last time I checked my Facebook account I didn’t see a big Facebook bully twisting my arm to post. We are responsible for setting the limits and coming to a mutual agreement on how much social media we will allow into our lives.
Point # 4 – Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved.
Your generation has been brought up in the age of computers with every piece of information at your fingertips and now with social media every piece of everyone’s information is available. Perhaps some of the folks from your generation are a bit self-centered, which does not work well in relationships! However, it doesn’t have to be that way. I believe all social media has some kind of privacy restrictions. If you know these folks are posters of untruths, braggers boasting of what they have when they actually don’t, block them. It’s that simple. Take charge of all the crap that brings you down, step up, be the movement, and don’t follow the norm. In the end, your relationships will bring you memories and goodness in your life not the number of friends or likes you get on Facebook.
Point # 5 – Social Media just invited a few thousand people in bed with you.
Social media did or you did? Yes, the pressure your generation feels to be a social media creature is tremendous. Never the less, your awareness of its devastation has been your personal experience so it baffles me that you are going to continue to allow it to control your life and the success of your relationships. Marriage is sacred, couples must work to keep it that way, key word here….work!
I’m sorry for your loss but I’m inspired by your awareness and perception into the problems you faced in your marriage. I am hopeful you will grow from the mistakes you made and will become a leader for your generation in sharing what didn’t work by using social media as a positive vs. negative. All of your five points are acceptable arguments applicable to your situation however, I think you should get out of your own way, take responsibility for your actions, and make the changes that need to occur so that your next relationship is not a rerun of the last. Are you ready to set aside time, energy, and space to make it happen? I hope so. I wish you well and thanks for sharing your blog Anthony D’Ambrosio hopefully your thoughts and mine will help other millennials in their relationships!